


Three things that cannot be hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.

by Vangle



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 11:18:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8665510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vangle/pseuds/Vangle
Summary: Simon never learned who his parents were. But what if he did find out. One can only handle so much betrayal.





	

## The Sun

**Penny**

I ran as fast as I could. I was never athletic and running was always difficult. But I ran. I lost Simon. He is gone. I needed to find him before he is lost to us all.   
Air was freezing in my lungs because of how fast I ran. I would have thrown up any other day but now Simon is the only think important. I have no spell to find. Magic is limited. The laws of magic prevent us from finding those who wish to kill themselves.

Earlier that day:  
Simon sat with his legs crossed on the Great Lawn. His eyes were focused on the sky. He has this way of looking at the sky, like he sees something new the longer he looks at it. Like he earns for it. I, on the other hand, like to look at Simon when he looks at the sky. He is just so calm. “Penny?”  
“Yeah? What’s up?”  
“I have a stupid question.”  
“Go ahead. I am used to it. I actually prefer it. It is better when you ask first and then act. The results are much more pleasant.”  
“Do you think I will ever find my parents?”   
I cough on my tea and have to spit some back into my thermos. “Simon. Honey. Please.”  
“It is not some depressing thought. I want your unbiased opinion. What do you think are my chances that I learn their names? Will looking harder help? I gave up on the idea that they are looking for me long ago.”  
I put my tea down. I look at him as he still looks at the sky. Maybe he is fighting not to cry. “Simon. My dear Simon. Please...”  
“Penny, I don’t need pity. I had enough of it. I want your honest opinion. I am even completely open to the idea that they are both dead. That does not change the fact that I want to know who they are. It could explain very simple things. Like... you know...” He trails off. I could never handle talking to him about this. I don’t have the heart to say: “After all the searching we did, it is impossible for them to be found.” I just can’t say that.

## The Moon

**Simon**

It was late in the night and I headed to the Mage’s office. He specifically ordered me to stay away from his office tonight but this was important. I have asked him many times about my parents yet I had a burning question. He swore to me that he knows neither my mother nor father. But he must be around their age. He may know without directly knowing that he does. I needed to talk to him. I paused in front of the office before letting myself in.

It is a very large room. The Mage usually hangs around the front at his desk but he is no where to be found. I hold completely still and listen closer. I hear his voice and decide to follow as quietly as I possibly could. I peek into the small drawing room that was in the back. Baz let me know that his mother had an elegant comfortable room there and the mage turned into a knock off beer hall. 

I see him pacing around the room. I wiggle around from side to side and I spot his friend Mendax sitting in an emerald green arm chair. I don’t really like him. He is a bald man with no chin and unpleasant expression. Baz pointed out that his name literary translates as “Liar” from Latin. I put a hand over my mouth and listen, just out of curiosity.

“What am I supposed to do about him? He cannot control his power. Having your best chance be a wild card is not a plan.”   
I didn’t need any other information to guess who he was talking about. Mendax dips a cookie into his small cup of tea before taking a bite and talking with a full mouth. “Simon is an impulsive young boy. You are expecting too much from him.”  
“After all these years, he still lacks discipline. I can give as many warnings as I want. As many orders as I want. He will follow his gut anyway. He will follow his gut of a cliff one day and I cannot do anything about it.” That hurt a little. He may had a point but that doesn’t mean I am some awful person who takes nothing into consideration. I thought only Baz saw me that way. 

“But I guess, he gets it from Lucy.” My heart stop and I couldn’t breathe. What was he talking about? Who is Lucy?

Mendax swallowed his cookie and chocked on it a little. “That Lucy Salisbury was hell of a girl. She didn’t seem like your type.”  
“She wasn’t. But she listened and was powerful. That is all I wanted for Simon. Seems like it was too much to ask for.” I didn’t understand anything. Nothing made sense to me anymore. But why I am crying. I didn’t want to find out anymore. Yet I can’t run. I can’t move. The world slowed down and nothing else but the conversation happening in the other room was going on.

“Did you love her?”

“What has that got to do with anything?” He asks. “Lucy’s loss was tragic but inevitable. She couldn’t give birth to Simon without dying. I realized a week before.”

“Was it a little cruel to let your wife die to make sure she gave birth to a powerful child who you wanted to be the Chosen One?”

“It was one of the hardest things I had to do. Having my own son grow up in the system was not easy for me. But it is like you don’t understand.”

“But I do.”

“I had to let both Simon and Lucy go for the position I am in. I gave them up for my Reforms.“

## The Truth

**Baz**

The sky was miserably lit by the moon tonight. It felt too bright to be a real night and that meant that I won’t be getting any proper sleep. 

I then felt it. I didn’t understand what it was at first and I didn’t get to right away. It took me so fast that I did not notice that Bunce running like an insane maniac before she crashed right into me, sending us both flying. 

“Bunce, what the hell?” I wanted to yell at her more but I saw her face was bright red and she was out of breath. When she looked me straight in the eyes, the feeling was back. It was a smell. The smell of blood. Simon’s blood. Horror filled my body. “What happened?” I yell. “Simon. I couldn’t find him with my usual finding spell. I used the _**all but the dead**_ finding spell and I couldn’t find him.”

I didn’t need to be told what that means. The all but the dead is a difficult spell that is used to find anyone alive. The spells excludes anyone who is dead and anyone who is considering death with such seriousness that they already could as dead.

Bunce gets up, coughs a few times, and marches away, no longer having the energy to run. She was going in the wrong way. It was now all around me. The smell of Simon’s blood. I got up and started to run. I ran as fast as I could. It was too fast to be human and I never allow myself to run this fast in Watford. But I don’t care. It wasn’t just Simon’s life on the line. But mine too.   
_I cannot live without him._

I chase the smell into the woods. I must have caught the smell on a passing wind from there. Tears were pouring because I was running so fast. Tears were pouring because I could loose Simon.

I never wanted to tell Simon how I feel about him. But he is also not allowed to die before I tell him.

I run and run and stop. 

Sound cries are heard from the distance. I found him. My dearest Simon.  
He is lying on the earth. His wrists are torn open in many deep cuts. 

**Simon**

When we are struck, we feel pain. When we are struck harder, we feel nothing. We go numb. 

My body is numb. My mind is numb. The dead must be lucky.

I didn’t question or wonder how Baz appeared by side. He turned my face to him. In the beginning, I didn’t register what he was saying. But he is screaming. Crying. Tears were pouring down his face as he yelled. I’ve never seen with an expression like this. It brings me back. I start to hear his voice.

“SIMON! PLEASE DON’T DIE ON ME! DON’T DIE!”   
I blink, feeling a little confused. Why is he so bothered? Why would anyone be bothered? “Look at me, Simon. Please. I need you. I really need you. Please don’t leave me.” 

What shocked me most that I was able to feel pain. The numbness was gone. Pain flooded my body. I was alive. I felt ashamed. How could I let myself die and leave Baz when he wants me to stay? I was in no state to think much about the past or future. I didn’t think about how Baz hates me and plans to kill me. Right now, he desperately wanted me alive and I felt alive again. To be alive is to feel pain.

I coughed and looked at him. It brought him back from his panic. He started healing my wounds with spells. I don’t really remember making them but I know that I made them myself. His healing spells really sting.

“I’m sorry.” I say, I didn’t want to see him cry like this.

“Simon. Love. Please tell me what happened.”  
I face the sky again. “Mystery over. I know who my parents are.”  
His spells pause and he focuses on me. “My mother is a woman named Lucy. My father was... is the Mage. He did something to me before I was born. It made sure that I would kill my mom when she would have me. The Mage didn’t want to deal with me until I was useful to him. I am a cruel joke to this world. You were right.”

The silence felt very long. Baz recovers and starts to cast healing spells again. “It is non-sense, Simon. You are a gift to this world. We are blessed to have you walk among us.” My heart felt heavy when he said it. “Why would you say that?” I asked. 

“I love you, idiot. You are not a cruel joke, you are an amazing person with a bright future. Forget the Mage and his plans for you. You have your own.”

“Do you really love me?” It caught him of guard and he turned red and looks away. I take his hand. It was difficult to move but I had to. 

“Does it matter? I know you don’t.”

“I do.” It felt like a confession that I held back for a really long time.

He looks back at me shocked. I didn’t think I would ever smile again but I did. 

I closed my eyes when I felt his cool smooth lips press against mine. 


End file.
